Back in the day, my friend Jared was one of those dynamic, high-energy, inspirational types of leaders. He was relentlessly positive and always looked for the best in people. Jared had been in ministry for a long time. And while he would take a vacation every year, and tragedies would force short breaks, there was never really a true season of rest in his ministry. As one campaign ended, another crisis would start. As one crisis wrapped up, another one emerged. That is the regular ebb and flow of ministry leadership. There are always opportunities, and there are always fires to put out. Honestly, I don’t think that is unique to ministry. It’s probably true everywhere.

But in Jared’s case, there was a compounding effect over the years.

Jared was a great team builder. He looked for potential in people and then gave them opportunities and real responsibility. He also gave them authority, which is healthy leadership. Because he was such an involved leader, this worked for a long time. He was able to participate alongside the people he was mentoring. He was present. He was engaged. Jared was tired, but it was an exciting season of ministry, so he pushed through the fatigue.

Over time, that excitement turned into routine. Routine turned into frustration. Frustration turned into an extreme level of fatigue. And eventually, that fatigue turned into burnout. It didn’t happen overnight, but it did happen.

I remember walking alongside Jared during that season, talking through options, sharing what I was observing, and discussing what others were noticing as well. Jared had become a shell of who he once was. A leader who had been pouring into people, actively mentoring, and actively involved was now simply showing up out of obligation because he felt like he had to be there.

He moved from being a catalytic agent within the ministry to being the person no one quite knew what to do with. Yes, he was still the leader. Yes, he was still in charge. But because he had given his team members real authority, he still needed to be included in everything. Somewhere along the way, he traded passion for the work his leaders were doing for simply not caring very much anymore.

The hard part was that Jared didn’t realize what had changed. He knew something was different, but he couldn’t put his finger on it. He couldn’t identify a specific event, situation, or moment where everything shifted. It happened slowly. Over a long period of time. A long season of ignoring himself, ignoring his own self-care, and ignoring his own health to the point where he didn’t recognize how far gone he really was.

Fortunately, Jared eventually got help.

He started meeting with a counselor. He worked to establish healthier rhythms. He created a more rigid block schedule to manage his time. He took significant time off. Not really a vacation, but more of a forced absence. And during that time, he handed real responsibility and authority to the leaders on his team so they could carry the mantle while he was gone. Jared’s situation is not uncommon. In fact, it is probably more common in ministry today than it has ever been.

It wasn’t that Jared didn’t know he was tired. It wasn’t that he didn’t know he was busy. The challenge was that he didn’t have the objectivity or communication practices in place to articulate where he really was. And others didn’t have the opportunity or permission to speak in ways that might have protected him from getting worse.

Before, during, and after this season, Jared and I talked regularly. After things had settled down, we had a meaningful conversation. He asked me if I thought he was doing better. I turned the question back to him. I wanted to hear it from his perspective.

He was definitely doing better, but the conversation led to some laughs and some reflective moments that felt worth sharing.

1: Awareness Comes Late

I asked Jared what it took for him to finally do something about his burnout. Was there a defining moment, or was it the result of accumulated feedback and personal observation?

His answer was simple and honest.
“I didn’t know I was this bad until I was this bad.”

We talked about how many leaders just put their heads down and shoulder through because they feel like they are carrying the weight for everyone else. That makes it incredibly difficult to have objectivity about whether you are actually healthy or not. Jared knew something wasn’t quite right, but he never slowed down enough to truly evaluate what was good, what was bad, and what was unsustainable.

2: Fluid Boundaries vs. Real Boundaries

I asked Jared about the boundaries he had before burnout and the boundaries he had after.
He laughed and said, “I had fluid boundaries before. I have real boundaries now.”

I laughed too, because I can identify with that. As leaders, boundaries tend to reset and drift without us realizing it, or without us being willing to enforce them. We say we’re taking a day off, but we still check email. We still answer phone calls. We still solve problems. We are still on call, still engaged, still mentally present.
That’s not a day off.

Real boundaries have to be more fixed and protected, not flexible and negotiable.

3: Accountability Still Matters at the Top

Jared spent his life holding other people accountable for tasks, projects, initiatives, and responsibilities. But he had very few people holding him accountable.
His inner circle was almost nonexistent in the context of ministry. He had a few outsiders, including me, but we didn’t see the day-to-day realities he was navigating. And often, he didn’t fully share them.

One of his biggest realizations was how often he told other people they needed accountability while he wasn’t practicing it himself. The mechanic not maintaining his own car. The doctor not taking his own medicine. Jared realized he had been doing the same thing.

Jared’s story is not unusual.
You might be reading this thinking about someone you know who is navigating this right now. You might realize that you are dealing with some of this yourself. Or you may face it in the future.

Either way, there are lessons worth taking from Jared’s experience: becoming more observant and self-aware, establishing real boundaries instead of fluid ones, and inviting people who care about you enough to hold you accountable to walk with you.

In “Boundaries for Leaders”, Henry Cloud talks about the absolute necessity of boundaries, not just for a leader’s health, but for an organization’s growth. Those two things are far more connected than we often realize.
Burnout doesn’t just affect leaders. It affects the impact of the ministry itself.