Over the past few months, I’ve been in conversations with high-capacity donors involved in various ministries we work with. As a ministry consultant for many years, I’ve had the privilege of walking alongside many influential leaders and donors who have supported large fundraising and ministry initiatives around the world. Through these experiences, I’ve heard these generous supporters share struggles they rarely discuss openly, revealing layers of complexity, vulnerability, and humanity that often go unnoticed. These discussions, while not new to me, felt more raw and unfiltered than before.
I’m sharing some of these insights here as a reminder for those of us in nonprofit and ministry work: we may know a lot of donors, but it’s easy to forget the challenges they face.
Through the years, I’ve heard donors express thoughts like:
– “I don’t know how to be myself without someone thinking I owe them something.”
– “Sometimes, I cringe when my phone rings or I get a text. What do they want now?”
– “A day is coming when we won’t have money to give anymore… will I have any friends left?”
– “My marriage is a mess, but who am I going to tell? Everybody thinks we have it all together.”
– “I’m tired of being on boards.”
– “No doesn’t mean try harder.”
– “I’m not an ATM.”
– “I really don’t like people anymore.”
– “I trust people way less than I used to.”
– “I hate what being a donor has done to my kids.”
Despite their financial means, donors deal with many of the same struggles everyone else does—stress, relationship strains, fears about authenticity, and a longing for genuine connection. And they carry an added burden: the weight of high expectations. They want their lives to mean more than just financial success. Many seek redemption for the personal sacrifices it took to get there.
For leaders in the nonprofit or ministry world, this reality check is crucial. Donors are real people. They have struggles, dreams, and insecurities. They want to make a difference, but they also yearn for purpose, connection, and a chance for their lives to matter beyond wealth.
My Takeaways (Reminders)
1. Love First
Prioritize caring for donors as individuals over any financial contribution they may make. Consider that God may have placed you in this person’s life to support them as much as they’re there to support your mission. Be someone they can trust, not just someone asking for a donation.
2. Build Genuine Relationships
Take time to get to know their families, interests, and passions. We often understand this in theory, but it’s easy to overlook in practice. Show them you value who they are as people, not just as check-writers.
3. Seek Input, Not Just Funds
Don’t make the first engagement about money. Ask for their thoughts on a project or seek their insight. Let them feel valued for their wisdom and experience, not only for their financial support.
4. Learn the World of Faith-Based Generosity
Staying informed about trends in generosity can go a long way. Read articles, watch TED Talks, or dive into books like The Responsive Nonprofit by Gabe Cooper . Understanding the unique challenges and opportunities in the faith-based generosity space shows respect for the role donors play and helps foster stronger, more meaningful connections.
Additionally, for nonprofits that need specific coaching in fundraising, organizations like Venture19 with Dr. Jonathan Roe offer practical guidance tailored to mission-driven fundraising. By equipping ourselves with knowledge and resources, we not only become more effective in stewarding donor relationships but also demonstrate respect and understanding for the role donors play, fostering stronger, more meaningful connections.
Some closing thoughts:
To ground this reflection in scripture, consider the words from 1 Corinthians 13:1-3 (NIV):
“If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.”
This passage reminds us that, no matter the gifts we bring or the support we receive, love must be at the heart of our actions and relationships. Without love, even the most generous contributions lack true value. When we approach our donors and partners with genuine love and empathy, we reflect God’s heart for them—not just as contributors, but as people. In doing so, we build partnerships that reflect God’s love and deepen the impact of our work, both in their lives and in the mission we share.

Written By:
Jason Lehman
Lead Strategist & Founder
Jason writes and consults in a variety of areas including: Communication Strategy, Perception Studies, Brand Strategy, Donor Strategy
Interested in connecting with or booking time with Jason Lehman? Use our getting starting form to let us know. We'll follow up with shortly.